That it Might be Fulfilled...

I have a habit of holding my Bible and praying earnestly for the Lord to speak to me through The Word. He hasn’t failed me yet. I’ll be honest, y’all don’t even know the half of it.

Today started out with me staring at my son. Lincoln. My third born. My baby boy. My heart warrior. My miracle. I have stared at him every morning in wonder because God let me keep him. Today was different though. It was the last morning I would wake up to him being my daily sidekick. Tomorrow he would start school.

As a teacher, it was never hard for me to understand the tears. When I was in the classroom I wasn’t JUST a teacher. I was still a mom. So, I knew that the tears would come and I embrace them. I want him to know his mommy loves him. He must have felt the weight a little because if we were in different rooms today, he would FaceTime me to say, “I love you infinity, Mommy.” It amazes me that he has always comforted me. He just told me the other day, “Don’t worry, Mommy. It will be okay! You’ll still see me on my summer break!” That little naive voice (truly believing that’s the only time I would see him) perked me right up!

We made it through the day today. We packed his lunch box together. We laid out his clothes. His sisters and his daddy took him to the store to buy some school supplies. It was a good day. He crawled on my lap close to bed time and said, “Mommy, I’m scared about tomorrow. I don’t have any friends yet.” The part of me that wants him to miss me felt guilty. I truly want him to love school...I just want him to think about me some. I will be thinking about him all day long.

As the evening winded down, I got him bathed and put to bed. He held my hand as he went to sleep. He said, “I can’t sleep, Mommy. I’m just so excited about tomorrow!” Gosh, it was bittersweet. I literally love his face. Asleep or awake, that face is my comfort.

When he was in the hospital before his heart surgery, one of the doctors came in and saw his name written on the nurses’ board. “Lincoln Noah! Well, there you have it. How can he not be destined for great things with a strong name like that?!” I can tell you that I know Lincoln has a purpose. We all have a purpose, (and I know that), but I feel like his very presence resonates hope. When he was sick, the miracle of the circumstances and the prayers that went up for him and our family truly caused a stirring in our community. The community rallied in prayer...and they witnessed the results of that prayer! I’ve been told many times by many people that they “knew that little Lincoln” bc they prayed for him. My friend’s mom who has been very ill said that any time she felt like she couldn’t keep going, she looked at him and thought “Look how much he’s overcome. If he can, I can!”

All these thoughts of Lincoln’s first weeks and the last 6 years with him had raced through my mind all day, but when the house was quiet and I was alone, the thoughts were ravaging my mind. I took this opportunity to hold my Bible and pray.

Low and behold, He didn’t fail me yet again! I opened that Bible blindly and BAM. Matthew chapter 4...Jesus begins His ministry.

I’m not crazy. I do not believe that Lincoln is Jesus. I do however believe that in order to reach people spiritually you must physically be around people. This is the next page in the book that is Lincoln’s life just like Matthew 4 is a chapter of Jesus’ life. He had to take an action in order to keep moving toward His God-given purpose. The same idea applies to Lincoln and the rest of us. He has a greater calling (as we all do), and I don’t know what it is. What I do know is that he has to go to school, and that’s the next step on his journey to fulfilling his purpose.

Even Jesus had to grow and progress physically and spiritually. We see in Luke 2 that He was but a 12 year old boy who was scolded by his mother for staying behind when the caravan left Jerusalem Where he was not only learning, but he was learning things that which Mary and Joseph could not teach Him. In reality Mary was holding (or attempting to hold) Him back from His purpose unintentionally. She could not though. Clearly this is what God wants me to see. By being reluctant to let go of Lincoln, I am holding him back from the reason for which he was created. I don’t know what point that goal will be met, but this is a step along the way.

Honestly, tomorrow is going to stinkfor me. I’ll be missing him so much, but I know, “...that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.”

In the same way the Jesus reminded His mother who He was when she found Him in the Temple, He has reminded me that I can’t be a stumbling block in Lincoln’s growth. Being humbled through The Word is also bittersweet.