Isaiah 43:19 Behold, I will do a new thing; now it shall spring forth; shall ye not know it? I will even make a way in the wilderness, and rivers in the desert.
It is without doubt that our hearts and minds clear up when we remove unnecessary things. When we feel the pull of life shifts and we choose to let God lead us rather than resisting and placing our own will ahead of His will, we start seeing changes take place that truly enhance our lives. We live in a world where not everything will ever be perfect, but the sense of peace that comes with knowing that He has placed you exactly where He wants you keeps so much in perspective.
To explain to you how God works is a bit of a testimony. So I'll start from the beginning and give it all to you.
Do you want to know why I started attending church? I attended bc my boyfriend (which was what Noah was at the time) attended regularly. I only half listened. I only half cared. I went to spend time with him. Then, there was a little lady name Helen who reeled me in. She made me want to come and hear about God. The seeds were planted.
After we got married, I didn't give church much of a thought. We got married in a little church in Prenter that was just beautiful. Hopkins Fork Community Church was just a building for me...a gorgeous building, but a building nonetheless.
It wasn't until Carlea was about 2 years old and I was pregnant with Addie that I felt the pull to step inside that little church I passed every day got so strong that I couldn't resist.
I have told this story a million times and I'll tell it again. We walked in and Nancy patted the seat beside her and said, "you sit on one side and I'll sit on the other and we can keep her in the pew." Ladies....your welcoming presence in churches is important. Two of the most pivotal moments in my journey to Christ came from two faithful women welcoming me.
From that point on, that was my church. I wasn't a Christian, but I had a home where the interest I had in God could be developed and nurtured. It was a place I could be fed.
Life carried on that way for several years. One Wednesday night in July I gave into the Lord and accepted His grace. I never went to the alter. I sat right in my seat and asked God to come into my heart and forgive me for not coming to Him sooner.
For two years I worked hard to learn as much as I could. I was not and am not perfect by any stretch of the word, but progress is progress. In June of 2015, we welcomed our son Lincoln. To make a very long story that I have told a million times very short: Lincoln was born with heart defects and had open heart surgery at 6 days old. It was the darkest period of my life made light only by God and my faith in His mercy. The number of things that went right and shouldn’t have makes it crystal clear to me that I owe Him everything and nothing will EVER make me question His goodness. When I picture that time in my life, the weight of His presence enveloping me and my family is all I feel.
I was forced to go back to work when the mines took a hit in 2016. That meant leaving my baby. Leaving any of my kids to work has always been a huge struggle for me. All I ever wanted was to be a mom. Now I’m at the age that I see everything I have done wrong and I wish I could go back and have a redo. I wish I could have been better for them. I can’t do that so it’s with great earnesty that I say I want to be better now. After that year, I knew I couldn’t leave them anymore. I did what I had to do then and then let God take that away. I wasn’t who I needed to be in order to hold that job. I wasn’t spiritually strong enough to handle a job like that. I had the opportunity to bring God into my work environment, and instead I let it change me and my relationship with God. Here I had just come off this huge life-altering thing that happened with my baby, and I had walked away from God in a sense. I was meant to be home. I needed to grow at home.
With staying home comes the overwhelming guilt. Us moms feel guilt no matter what we do. Guilt if we work and take time from our families…guilt if we depend on our husbands for everything and don’t contribute to the finances. I’ve been called an overachiever, and I’ve been called a kept woman. Society and people in general should be more aware of what they do to women like me; women capable of so much but always trying to prove themselves because it always seems like nothing we do is good enough. I say all of that to say that I felt the need to work, but I didn’t want to leave my kids.
Enter photography.
I had always had an interest and I am a creative individual, but when I started this business it was as a way of feeling better about myself. I didn’t want to feel worthless anymore. I didn’t want to feel like I was putting the whole world on Noah’s shoulders and sitting at home doing nothing (even though that’s not at all what was happening). The world has this view of stay at home moms that is skewed. Gone is the stay at home moms that my Mammaw was. She literally ran the household. Every single part of the day was handled by her with the exception of what my Pappaw did at work. I couldn’t live up to that. I couldn’t live up to being a working mom. I felt like I was drowning and I didn’t know why. So I talked to a girl one day who said, “You do such a good job. You should start charging people for pictures.” So, I did.
There was only one time between then and now that I almost walked away, and it was because I was ignoring the call to shift. Let me just tell you…when I let that shift come, I became a better person. I accomplished bigger and better things. I was confident in God in a way that was only mirrored during Lincoln’s time in the hospital. I dedicated myself to the shift. I let God move me and place me. I welcomed the changes and rolled with the punches. God literally opened doors I never knew were there. I could make a list of ways that God DELIVERED and I still wouldn’t be able to mention them all.
All this time there were still things I was holding on to that I just couldn’t shake. God was showing me His power and yet…there I was holding on to hurt and bitterness.
I started my business in 2018, and what God has been able to do for me and my family through that little business has been amazing. That business, with God in the middle of it, has shaped me and built me up. It’s fixed my spirit. It’s made me appreciate God even more. It gave me a purpose and a drive for more. It has given me the motivation and means to help others. That business, kept my sanity afloat and the demons at bay. That business brought me into this new season that sees me being the person I needed to be.
I've done more than I could've ever imagined with this photography gig. I have reached goals that I set for myself and goals that God placed on my heart. I achieved the success for which I longed for so long. God made me legitimate in the world of photography and business in ways I could've only dreamed of. Then, the earth moved a little. The shift I felt in my heart was undeniable.
Today, on a Saturday morning, I reported to work at 6 am to support my coworker Lisa in her endeavor to feed the community. I watched her selflessly hoisting pots of potatoes and turkeys and hams. I soaked in the sight of all my coworkers showing up for her and the community. I basked in the comfort of having a place to call home yet again. This is a place where God lives.
As I drove home, the shift just clicked into place. God has, yet again, lead me to the exact place in the exact time that I am supposed to be. “It’s time,” He said back in August when I placed my bid on this job. “It’s time,” He said again on the way home today. The time has come to start the exodus from photography. I have projects still in swing that will continue. I have annual events and programs that I will keep. Overall, though…it’s time to start walking away. With that being said, I will no longer be scheduling family or senior photo sessions. To my clients who are already paid up and part of any programs or specials, this does not affect you in any way.
I could not be more proud of what God allowed me to accomplish, but it’s with no sadness or regret that I begin to prioritize my life differently now. Thank you all for the years of service you’ve allowed me to give you. Thank you for your loyalty and your support. When I tell you this is the most rewarding thing I have ever done outside of my family, just know that’s not just pretty words. It’s felt in the depths of my soul.