Philippians 4:6-7 Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
Yesterday was the first day of the course I am taking to give me a boost in business management. This course was made for me. When I described it to a couple of my girlfriends, one said, "I mean, it sounds like it was made just for you." I feel like there has been a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. I am in a new place in my mind that will allow me to let go of the old and let new light shine through into this dusty old soul. I am a dreamer. I go after what I want, and I make no apologies for wanting to make the most out of my life. I am also a homebody. I like my small town. I like the familiarity of it. I am confident here, and I know that people have my back at any given moment. I like knowing everyone. Because I like being here, I believe that there have been times that I let opportunities slip out of my hands. I once wanted to spend a semester working at Disney but couldn't make that leap. I froze at the last minute, and I have always regretted it. You see, I seem like I am pretty well put together, but I am anxious. Sometimes my anxiety is debilitating. So how did I over come that? I haven't. I am just learning to cope with it and still move forward.
For awhile I had a hard time overcoming some of my anxiety. Owning a business is hard. Knowing that I struggle with anxiety, I knew I had to learn to just let outside things go. I am doing just that, and it's been a game changer. It's not that I am not empathetic, because I am. I can put myself in other's shoes far too easily sometimes. I can still pray for people and situations that are trying, but I don't have to let those issues have a negative impact on my outlook. As I made up my mind to brush it off, I took a deep breath and asked God to take this weight off me. Then, a funny thing happened. He helped to ease the transition from defensive to peaceful. He helped me realize that I didn't have to be part of that cycle any more. I am my own person, and who I am isn't based on anything other than me and my actions. So, I stepped out of that cycle, and the change has been amazing. I am more confident. I am more bold. I am taking risks. I have faith that trumps fear, and I know that He will use me and my skill for the good.
That first step eased me into asking God for more. I deserve nothing, but I know that He has a plan for my life. We are taught that He just wants us to ask. I prayed for God to give me something that would help to bring His presence into my business like He was in my life and to make the two things more cohesive. I prayed that I could make this work for my family and myself without sacrificing His will. An ad on facebook popped up. I almost never pay attention to ads. Because I own a photography business, I always have ads pop up that pertain to this training or that training for photography. This one caught my eye. It was a free training for The Photo Bloom that was for "faith-filled photographers." WHAT?! I teach at my church, and I LOVE teaching the Book of Esther. I was teaching that week on it in fact. When I enlisted in this training, the owner sent me a link to a Bible Study. The study was on the Book of Esther. My mind was BLOWN.
Over the next three weeks, I threw myself into this free course and did all of the zoom meetings and preparation. They were phenomenal. They inspired so much fire in my life. There was peace in my heart. There was confidence that I could do whatever He needed me to do to get my life on track. Things happened that I won't go into that showed me that there is more for me with this course. As I had discussions with the course instructor I realized she and I were so much alike. By the end of the three week period, I knew I needed more. I immediately enrolled in the 4 month paid course and then something wonderful happened. I was given the opportunity to travel to Colorado for a retreat that is offered with the course. Could I do this? Could I step outside of my box where I am comfortable? I have never even flown before, and now I am going to do this by myself? I told you I am anxious. I can't pretend that has gone away overnight. The pull to do this was far greater though. This is the first time I feel like I could really be part of something. This retreat makes the training valid. It makes the course solidified and meaningful. To me, this course and the retreat was inspired by God, and it's what I am supposed to do. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that owning this photography business was meant for me. I love it so much, and I have been given so many opportunities to further His kingdom through my business. Why wouldn't the next natural step be a course that teaches me how to funnel that spirit directly into my business and scatter it among my entire life?
I am still a worrier, but I have prayer. I am still anxious, but with Him, I can overcome the fear. I still struggle to let things go, but I know He said those things are not of Him so they are not for me. I know it's not always going to be smooth sailing, but the difference in every part of my life has been amazing to me. I still need work and I always will. This next chapter in my life is the right direction. I see the road ahead for my family and my calling is leading where we need to go. I hope that I can follow His will and see this through.
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