I’m entering a part of my life involuntarily; the part where I start letting go. Last year, it started with sending my baby to school for the first time. This year has already been a whirlwind of emotions as I sent my middle baby girl to junior high, my oldest baby girl to high school, and then today. Today was almost too much to bear. Today, I helped my sister send her baby (the oldest of our babies and the one we all shared) to college.
I remember my first day at college like it was yesterday. It wasn’t, but I sure remember it like it was. I remember the fears, the panic, and the absolute stress of my parents leaving me behind. Today, I experienced all those things but from the perspective of my parents. I think that kind of fear is even worse. I know he will do well. I know the success that is meant for him. Part of me isn’t ready for it, though.
As we left him, I thought back to the day that my husband (at this time he was my very new husband) was offered a job in a totally different part of the state. At the time, my nephew was 2 years old. My whole life I had thought As soon as the opportunity presents itself, I’m out of here. Funny things happen when you start living for another human being. I can honestly say every person in our family lived for my nephew. Unequivocally, he was the complete and total center of our world. I passed on that opportunity out of the desire to—not only watch my nephew grow—but to be part of his childhood.
Today, as we pulled away from that campus that is 4 hours away, I thought isn’t it ironic? Here I was 15 years later, leaving this child I had cherished from birth—this child I couldn’t bear to leave behind as I went on with my life. Here I am leaving him, but only because, essentially, HE is leaving US to go on with his life. Guess what. I’d stay all over again if it meant reliving his childhood.
Things will be different. Life inevitably changes whether we like it or not. Sunday mornings there will be an empty seat in my Sunday school class where he used to sit. Wednesday night there won’t be anymore fighting over who is on his team. I won’t pull into my mom’s house to see him and my daughter just hanging out on the swings. Every single day there will be a thought or memory of his childhood that will remind me that being part of my nephew’s life in any capacity, is worth every ounce of this heartache.
I pray for happiness in this new adventure. I ask that God would put people in Brett’s life who will help keep him on the right path. I pray he finds a girl with whom he can fall in love. I pray that he accomplishes this goal of zoology he’s had in mind for as long as I can remember. Above all, I pray that—no matter where he goes—he ALWAYS remembers his way home. As I pray for his future, I cling to this verse:
Proverbs 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.
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