Sometimes, in life, you experience something so significantly that you wonder why you are fighting so hard for the things you thought you wanted. The Garth Brooks song Unanswered Prayers has always stuck with me in times of prayer and when I try to get life to bend to my will. I have to think about how and why I want something so badly. Never will a square puzzle piece fit into a round space though.
The Bible says to everything there is a season and a purpose unto Heaven. It is important to know when a change happens in our life, no matter how painful the change may be, it serves a purpose in God’s plan. Resisting change is a characteristic of mine. I can’t say I see it as a flaw in all aspects, because I fight hard for what I want. No one will ever question where they stand with me. However, stepping back and looking at the bigger picture, while hard for me, has started coming easier now that I try to follow Christ.
This example may seem trivial, but it applies and has taught me a lot about myself and others. To some softball may be just a pastime or sport that you play in season and forget about the rest of the year. We tend to prioritize it a little differently. It’s a sport we love and is a huge part of our lives. There was a time when I feel Addie was served an injustice. In that, I had to re-evaluate myself and others. It’s hard to explain to an 8 year old why things are the way they are. It changed my outlook. I am a very aggressive person, and when I want something I work hard to get it. I hope to instill that in my kids. I remember saying to Addie, “We will work hard until next season, and you will make it to where no one can deny you.” I saw the determination in her eyes, and I knew she would take this goal seriously. She did just that.
Looking back, I see that this trial that my daughter went through at an early age made her better. It made her understand work ethic. It made her understand success due to effort. It made her less idle. It gave her a goal for which to strive. We lost some things along the way and maybe weakened connections in some areas of our lives, but maybe those connections had served their purpose in God’s will, and the season for them had changed. I can admit that it hurts. I can admit that I can’t see how losing a piece of something that use to mean the world to me is beneficial, but I just have to trust that it is. In losing out, we have gained so much. We have broadened our horizons. Others have been placed in our lives who I know beyond a shadow of a doubt have a purpose in our lives and us in theirs.
Accepting change can be a struggle, and I seem to go at it at a slower pace than others. I fight it. That can become my downfall if I let it. I do let it sometimes. My mouth gets in the way. My face gets in the way. My anger gets in the way. I have reached a point where I am learning to say whatever will be, will be. If I expect something to be the way I want it all the time, then I’m setting myself up for disappointment. When that happens, I lose focus of my blessings. Since I know my blessings are plentiful, I can’t let that happen.
I can’t lie, and I feel like maybe I’m painting a picture that’s not true. Let me be clear. My journey to this place has been ugly, and it’s probably not over. It has been my road to Damascus (though thankfully not so terrifying). Many may understand my reference, but many may not. For those I will explain.
Paul penned much of the New Testament. His life fulfilled such a powerful purpose, but before he was Paul of the New Testament, he was Saul. Saul was very a religious Jew. He studied the Bible, and was very aggressive in his ways. His life was to serve the Lord. He made it so that he had trouble seeing prophesies being fulfilled. He had trouble with change even when that change was in God’s will. He was so vehemently against the very existence of Jesus that he aggressively hunted and persecuted Christians. Imagine that for a moment. The man who ultimately penned the majority of the New Testament was totally against Jesus at one point in his life. Knowing that the Jesus’s ministry was spreading to other cities, Saul requested to travel out away from Jerusalem to find the Apostles that were preaching of Jesus and capture or kill them. He was, for all intents and purposes, the leader of persecution of early Christians.
While Saul was on his way to Damascus, he was met by Jesus. Jesus simply asked why Saul was doing this. Saul, being of great faith in God, knew this was the Lord. He saw Jesus even while the other men with him simply saw a light. He asked Jesus, “What will you have me do?” In seeing such greatness, Saul became blind. Jesus instructed him to go on into Damascus and wait.
I’m going to pause this story here. Several things happened here that led to Saul becoming Apostle Paul. First of all, Saul was of great faith. He believed God was the great I Am. He was schooled in His Word, and was a practicing Jew. Without his faith, the rest would not be possible. Next, Jesus appeared and asked one simple question: “why do you persecute Me?” This is important. He doesn’t ask “why do you persecute those who follow me?” He said that Saul was directly persecuting Him. If you harm one who belongs to the Lord, you are harming the Lord. This is exactly how we feel as parents. A transgression done unto our children feels like a transgression done unto ourselves. Saul had to understand the implications of that question. A man of such great faith would see this and be filled with shame. Then, Saul asks, “Who are You, Lord?” Saul already realizes that this person is God, but he has no relationship with Him. “Who are you?” can mean such a deeper thing than a simple identification. In this instance it means that Saul wants a deeper understanding of who Jesus is, and he is actively seeking that understanding. This is the moment that Saul starts to change. After this, Saul says, “What will you have me do?” He is proclaiming he is ready and willing to follow Christ. Jesus tells him, “Arise, go into the city, it shall be told you what you must do.” The last thing Saul does is follow Christ’s command...even being blinded by this occurrence. He shows his willingness is real. He does as he is told. You read later in the passage that he is praying while he waits.
Once all of this transpired, Ananias is sent to speak with Saul, and greatness ensues at the will of God. Saul becomes Paul and he spreads the Gospel of Christ further than one can imagine.
Up to this incident, Paul saw no need for change. He thought he was in God’s Will. Even hearing the stories of Christ and knowing the prophesies in the scriptures, he was unable to change his mind. He let his own will get in the way of having a relationship with Jesus earlier. So, Jesus made a way. It wasn’t an easy transition. Paul suffered for Christ. We should all recognize this in ourselves. Sometimes we need whipped into shape by the Lord, and we should have a good enough relationship with Him to understand when that is happening.
I try to remember this part of the Bible and Paul’s story when I feel overwhelmed with changes. Changes are part of life and will ultimately be used to glorify God. When the changes seem like too much to bear, prayer and leaning on Jesus will get us through. Seasons change. People change. One thing remains and that is God. Staying focused on that truth will make the changes easier.
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